The Fiver | A pumped-up Scilly Isles League with a clásico every other night

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Gregg Bakowski

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The Fiver hasn’t played football in decades but on Sunday we got a call from our creatine-enhanced, annoyingly cheerful cousin, Sport Billy Fiver, asking if we could help fill in at right-back as his side were woefully short of numbers after he’d knacked half the squad in a Rooney-esque training session. We laughed and told him where to go but then he said there’d be a four-pack of Purple Tin it for us if we’d publicly humiliate ourselves so that the game could go ahead. You don’t look a gift horse in the mouth do you? So after removing the dead spiders from our Patrick Platini Silver boots (they’re real – look them up, kids), we headed out to earn our grog.

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